HAMMERSMITH & FULHAM
 RUGBY FOOTBALL CLUB

Last Updated: Friday, 20 July 2007
 
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MATCH REPORTS 2006/2007
 

FIRST XV

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FIRST XV

 

Saturday 4th November 2006

First XV   5   :   33  Welwyn

EDF Energy Senior Vase
Away

 

After a week off due to the postponement of the previous weeks league fixture against Barnet after the referee pulled a muscle during his warm up the Hammers were raring to go for their Senior Vase cup tie against Welwyn. It was going to be a tough fixture away to the second placed team in the league above, London North West 3 but the belief was there.

 

The long journey was navigated without too much trouble this time by all but one of the cars and a decent warm up was undertaken. Sam ‘SatNav’ Bovill and his passengers joined in towards the end.

 

Hammersmith received the kick off and dealt with it badly allowing the ball to hit the deck. From the resulting line out the Hammers made a clean catch, a clean catch that turned out to be their only one of the day, and began a drive. Welwyn were penalised for fringing. This allowed the Hammers to clear their line to halfway. From the line out, Ali ‘Little Fella’ Lines made a decent break up towards the Welwyn 22. Fortunately for the Little Fella Al ‘I could tell you….’ Dawson was on hand to diffuse any incendiary devices along the route of the break which meant it finished when Linesy got caught up by the oppo prop rather than when he got blown into the air by a landmine. Unfortunately his offload did not go to hand and the move broke down.

 

Welwyn then began to take control of the game. Playing with the considerable slope they were able to reverse any field position Hammersmith were able to build up with long down field kicks. When the penalties came they were taken. Hammersmith stuck to their defensive duties well but did leak one score from a pop ball off the side of a ruck. Hammersmith turned round at half time 13 – 0 down but with the belief that using the slope they could get back into the match especially considering the home side had been reduced to 14 men after one of their centres became a shoe in for Tin Man of the Season after receiving two yellow cards for the same offense, chat to the referee.

 

Unfortunately this was not to be case. Welwyn continued to dominate the Hammersmith set piece ball, taking most of the lineouts and disrupting the scrums. With the little ball that they had the Hammersmith three quarters made decent inroads with Mark ‘Sweetcheeks’ Sweeting to the fore. These efforts were rewarded when after some decent work Sly ‘Sick Note’ Olytayu went over. However with a lack of ball Hammersmith were always going to struggle and Welwyn began to turn the screw scoring three more tries.

 

The match was already gone when something happened that no one connected with the club thought they would ever see again. Julian ‘Posh Prop’ Birch came off the bench a good three years since he last played for the club. Posh Prop had stepped into the breech to help his old club out since eleven of the clubs current roster of props had decided to head to Amsterdam for the Pearce Courtney testimonial game leaving the cupboard bare. A big thank you goes out to Julian who had driven all the way up to darkest Hertfordshire from Hungerford.

 

So Hammersmith fell to their first competitive defeat of the season. Effort could not be faulted but they came second best to a superior side.  

 

 

Team: Lacy, Dray, Blyghton, Dawson, Neilson, Punch, Anderson, Mobray, Lines, Metric, Olytayu, Sweeting, Omalley, Godber, Wotton. Birch, Ascough, Trehane, Bovill.

 

Tries: Olytayu

 

Man of the Match and Tin Man not awarded.

 

 

 

Saturday 4th November 2006

First XV   41   :   11   Fullerians

London 4 North West
Home

 

The sound of the Changes Bell was ringing loud and clear for this home league fixture against bottom of the table Fullarians. A full eight changes were made to the starting fifteen from the previous week. Ian ‘Batting above his Average’ Smith was selected to replace the injured Nick Dray. Rumours were that Clubman Dray had tried to get a tattoo on his upper thigh and it had gone wrong resulting in Nick being too embarrassed to make himself available. James ‘Nice Weekend Away’ Leach came in at 6 to replace Rod ‘Always been a 6’ Anderson who moved to 7. Dave ‘Tubbs’ Wallace was selected at 8 ahead of ‘Big’ Mike O’Sullivan. Holidaying Ali ‘Little Fella’ Lines came back into the team to replace Roddy James. Rupert ‘Phoenix’ Godber and Sly ‘Teflon’ Olutayu replaced Dan ‘Jelly Wrestler’ Djikic and Jack ‘Mum’ Short on the wings and finally Adam ‘Admin’ Wooton replaced Mark ‘Ex Captains mate’ Rudman at full back.

 

With all those changes a degree of disruption could have been expected but it did not take long for the home side to get on the board. An impressive drive up the field got the Hammers into striking distance, unfortunately the man who looked like he was going to do the striking was Alex ‘Cueball’ Nielson. After picking up the ball from the base of a ruck Alex went left and thought he could go all the way. After ignoring the supporting players around him it finally dawned on him that he was being stopped short of the whitewash. Reluctantly he let go of the ball and the predatory Rod ‘Always been a 6’ Anderson was lurking near by much like a Heron lurks by a garden pond (with the similarities extending to them both having large appendages on the front of their heads) to pick up the ball and pop over.

 

The second try was a fine effort by Admin Wooton. After making good ground through the three quarters with Mark ‘Sweetcheeks’ Sweeting and some decent recycling of the ball it came left and Admin was presented with an 2 on 1 overlap. Fancying his chances, with a guarenteed Tin Man award if he didn’t make it, Admin pulled out a dummy and went for the line. Luckily for him he made it.

 

Further tries were added by Phoenix Godber and Sean ‘Atkins’ O’Malley who used his physical attributes to good effect when bumping off the last defender to score. Another try came through an unknown source (contact the web master if you want to claim it) meaning the Hammers were five scores to none up at half time.

 

During the half time talk the goal was set of reaching fifty points for the first time this season. With five tries on the board and being a second half team this seemed a distinct possibility but that did not allow for two factors: Firstly the Hammers decided to move away from the pattern and game plan that had served them well in the first half and secondly O’Malley still couldn’t kick.

 

The second half turned out to be a very frustrating affair with Hammersmith trying to force the pace too much and lots of errors resulting. The four things of note were a good try from second half substitute Mat ‘Chopper’ Punch, a second score for Rod ‘6’ Anderson, Ali ‘Little Fella’ Lines finding an old landmine that sent him up into the air squealing like a faulty firework and a very dubious try awarded to Fullarians late on with Steuert ‘Spellcheck’ McIntytre lying under the ball.

 

In the end Hammersmith ran out winners 7 tries to 1, unfortunately only two were converted. The first half saw some decent rugby played to an effective pattern. The line out worked well but the scrum not so.

 

Team: Blyghton, Smith, Huntington, Dawson, Neilson, Leach, Anderson, Wallace, Lines, Metric, Godber, Sweeting, O’Malley, Olytayu, Wooton. McIntyre, Punch, Lacy.

 

Tries: Anderson (2), Wooton, OMalley, Godber, Punch, TBC.

 

Man of the Match: Rod Anderson

 

Tin Man: Ali Lines

 

 

Saturday 21st October 2006

First XV   30   :   10   Harrow

London 4 North West
Away

 

The Hammers were back on the road, and what a road it turned out to be, with an away fixture against Harrow. Again, there were a number of changes from the previous week with John ‘The Tinkerman’ Porter Griffths bringing in Al ‘I could tell you but I’d have to kill you’ Dawson to the second row. Bryan ‘Still new in London’ Vaniman into Eight, Stuert ‘Spellcheck’ McIntyre in at Openside, Bryan ‘Sweaty’ McLeman coming into the centre and Mark ‘Ex Capatins Mate’ Rudman in at Fullback.

 

Strangely that wasn’t the team that JPG had initially selected but events beyond his control forced his hand. The two boys from the valleys, Mike ‘Bus Pass’ O’Sullivan and Rod ‘Vendetta’ Anderson, ran into some navigational problems and did not arrive until 3.15 for a 3 oclock kick off. Normally this would have been enough to see them sitting a couple of weeks out but their case was aided by the fact that every player was also late for the meet time. Captain, Sean ‘Borat’ O’Malley accepted partial responsibility because he did not produce any maps for the journey as he assumed he was dealing with responsible adults rather than a bunch of idiots.

 

Predictably the match started badly for the Hammers. Harrow were soon two tries up, making use of a strong wind behind them, they camped in Hammersmith’s half and scored via two chips through. Hammersmith were behind for the first time this season and the mettle was tested. The response came via last years player of the year, James ‘My name is Earl’ Leach. The big man from Shirley made significant contributions all afternoon including a try saving tackle, running down a three quarter via his unfeasibly long stride to stop the visitors going three scores down.

 

As the first half wore on Hammersmith battled their way back into the game. They drove themselves up the pitch into the strong headwind and got within striking distance. An attacking line out provided the platform for the forward to assert a good drive and Sam Bovill grounded the ball.

 

10 -5 down at half time was a bit of jail break for Hammersmith when the wind and the shambolic start were considered. The second half saw Hammersmith hit their straps playing some decent rugby. Further tries were added by James Leach, Brian McLeman and Mark Sweeting with no reply from Harrow.

 

Injuries meant that both teams finished the game with 14 men.

 

Team: Lacey, Bovill, Blyghton, Dawson, Leach, Djikic, McIntyre, Vaniman, Lines, Metric, Sweeting, McLeman, O’Malley, Godber, Rudman. Anderson, Smith, O’Sullivan.

 

Tries: Bovill, Leach, Sweeting, McLeman.

 

Man of the Match: Bryan McLeman

 

Tin Man: Ali Lines

 

 

Saturday 14th October 2006

First XV   31   :   15   Finchley

London 4 North West
Home

 

Hammersmith and Fulham made five changes, two of which were positional to the previous outing, a Senior Vase cup win against Chelmsford. Gavin ‘Krusty’ Mahony came in at full back for his first league appearance after impressing against Old Actonians in a pre season friendly, Sam Bovill came in at Hooker to replace Clubman Nick Dray who had to honour prior commitments with some lady boys in Bali and Alex ‘Cue Ball’ Nielson was back in the starting 15 after having his elbow drained. Meanwhile Mark ‘Sweetcheeks’ Sweeting moved back into the centre and Rupert ‘Phoenix’ Godber was moved out on to the wing in a calculated gamble to utilize his gas.

 

The game started badly for the home side as Cue Ball Nielson made a hash of the opening kick off. After delivering a confident ‘my ball’ call while the ball was in the air it began to dawn on him that he may have miss judged the flight. As the big second rower back pedalled to try and take the catch all he succeeded in doing was palming it in to touch on our own 22 metre line giving Finchley a good attacking platform.

 

Soon after this gaff the Hammers got into their stride. The home side scored the first try of the match after about five minutes when a fantastic handling move that saw the ball travel through about 15 sets of hands before Jack ‘Mum’ Short slid in at the right corner.

 

Hammersmith then lost one of their most influential players of the season so far when John ‘Captain’s Mate’ Mobray had to go off with an ankle injury. This did not seem to cause too many problems and the Hammers soon had another score on the board.

 

Defensive lapses then crept in and Finchley pulled a score back. Before the Hammers answered back with another of their own though Godber.

 

The second half proved to be frustrating for the home side as things did not really click together. This frustration was epitomised by Gavin ‘Krusty’ Mahony who seemed to have unusual rugby ball repelling implants in his hands as whenever he went to pick up the ball it seemed to jump out of his hands. The match finished on a rather unsavoury note when the winger from Finchley decided to try and see how hard he could stamp on Cueball Nielson’s arm. As it turned out this was quite hard. Luckily for Cueball, they breed them tough up in Grimsby. Hammersmith eventually ran out winners 5 tries to 2.

 

Team: Blyghton, Bovill, Huntington, Leach, Nielson, Djikic, Anderson, Mobray, Lines, Metric, Short, Sweeting, O’Malley, Godber, Mahony. O’Sullivan, Lacey, Punch. 

 

Tries: Short, Godber, Lines, OMalley, TBC.

 

Man of the Match and Tin Man not awarded.

 

 

Saturday 7th October 2006

First XV   37   :   12   Chelmsford

EDF Energy Senior Vase
Home

 

Another glorious day down at Hurlingham Park prolonged the last passages of summer and meant that the scene was set fair for this first round of the EDF ENergy Senior Vase. Hammersmith welcomed Chelmsford RFC down from their lofty position at the top of London and the top of London North East 4. Preparation for home team had gone reasonably well during week but there was a noticeable lack of personnel at training on Thursday. A worrying sight seeing as though the knock out stages of the Champions League have not even started yet. The team showed two changes from the previous outing with Mark ‘Ex Captains Mate’ Rudman regaining his place at full back. It turned out that ‘Admin’ Wooten had forgotten that he was supposed to be getting married in Australia the coming weekend and had to hastily book some flights home to land of the Big Sandy Desert. There was also a big welcome back for Al ‘I could tell you but I’d have to kill you’ Dawson in the second row to replace the injured Alex ‘Cue ball’ Neilson.

 

Again the Hammers’ warm up was as flat as the top of Johny Kirkham’s head showing a worrying trend. This was in comparison to the visitors’ warm up that was well organised and vocal (perhaps owing to their new coach). This difference in match day preparation was carried out onto the pitch and Chelmsford started much the stronger side. The visitors had the Hammers penned in behind the 10 metre and 22 metre line for much of the first 25 minutes. However some decent defence meant that CRFC could not register a point. Then with their hands on the pill for only the second time in the match Hammersmith executed a decent play, and surprisingly one that they had been practicing this season,  from the back of a maul. Hitting the second runner who then went half the length of the field to score beating two men in the process. When the rest of the team caught up they found that Dan ‘The Jelly Wrestler’ Djikic had been the man to do the damage.

 

Shortly before the score Hammersmith suffered a blow when James ‘Spiller’ Leach came down awkwardly from a line out and jarred his knee necessitating a substitution. Some people reflected after the game that this had been some kind of karma, righting some wrongs.

 

The try seemed to stir a bit of life into the Hammers and they pushed forward again. Some good pressure resulted in an attacking 5 metre scrum. With line inching closer at about the same speed as Hendo at full tilt, the Chelmsford scrum half kicked the ball out from under big Jon ‘The New Captain’s Mate’ Mobray’s unusually small feet. Penalty try. O'Malley scraped the conversion over and the home side were 14 – 0 up with only about 30 percent possession.

 

Chelmsford then rallied and got some reward for all of their possession when a chip over the top did enough to deceive ‘Ex Captain’s Mate’ Rudman who later claimed that it had turned out of the rough. Try. Half time loomed like a break between two 40 minute periods and the teams turned round 14- 5 and the game well and truly in the balance.

 

The second half started well with another try for home side. This time, big John Mobray controlled the ball well enough with his small feet at the base of a scrum to mean that he was at the very least the third players to put his hands on the ball after it had crossed the line. None the less the try was awarded and that seemed to be the sucker punch for the match. Hammersmith ran in a further three scores with Ali ‘Little Fella’ Lines again showing some gas that seems to have been absent for the last few seasons to run one in from the 10 metre line, Mark ‘Alarm Clock’ Sweeting picking up from a ruck and powering over from short range and Jack ‘Mum’ Short picking up the debris after the Mobray/Metric show fell apart to grab the last. Chelmsford also managed another try after turning over Rod ‘Anger Management’ Anderson in midfield to score.

 

Overall the feeling was one of a job well done after the match. The Hammers had to soak up a lot of pressure from Chelmsford which they did and then scored some decent tries showing the ability to strike from a long way out.

 

Team: Blyghton, Dray, Huntington, Leach, Dawson, Djikic, Anderson, Mobray, Lines, Metric, Short, Godber, O’Malley, Olutayu, Rudman. Sweeting, Bovill, Hanlon, Nielson.

 

Tries: Djikic, Penalty Try, Mobray, Lines, Sweeting, Short.

 

Man of the Match: Ali Lines for his decent broken field running.

 

Tin Man: Nick ‘Clubman’ Dray for attempting to mount the opposition flanker in the dead ball area after a rolling maul rather than chose to put the ball on the deck for a well deserved try.

 

 

Saturday 30th September 2006

First XV   32   :   3   Old Verulamians

London 4 North West
Away

HFRFC took to the road for their first away league fixture of the season in confident mood after a solid opening performance against Grasshoppers RFC the previous week. Rumours had been circulating during the close season that the Hammers had signed a major new kit deal that dwarfed the agreement between Nike and Manchester United when they finally moved away from their old Umbro strips a few years ago and that the new shirts were due to get their first outing for this fixture. Reports that Pete Lacey and Mike O'Sullivan had been seen during the week out on early morning runs wrapped in cling film had done nothing to dampen the expectation that the Hammers were about to enter a new sartorial era.

The team showed two changes from the previous week with Sly ‘I’m at a wedding’ Olutayu coming in on to the wing, allowing Dan ‘Jelly Wrestler’ Djikic to move into the back row to replace Ryan ‘Drugs Cheat’ Dilley who was unavailable. Adam ‘Admin’ Wooton was selected at Full Back for his first Hammers league appearance after an issue with registration and being a dumb Aussie.

The game kicked off in bright sunshine on a blustery day. The away team started well and showed decent control and retention to move up the pitch. ‘Admin’ Wooton was showing his class hitting the line with pace at decent angles to create a number of opportunities. Unfortunately for the Hammers the best of these fell to Jack ‘Mum’ Short who, after some good work by ‘Admin’, failed to hold on to a bread basket pass with the try line gaping before him. Unperturbed by this set back the Hammers continued to press and finally they got their reward when ‘Admin’ Wooton went over. Sean ‘Atkins’ O'Malley added the extras and the Hammers were off and running.

As usual the Hammers pack was providing a decent stream of possession for the team with the line out looking particularly good. Nick ‘Clubman’ Dray was hitting his man consistently and was also getting around the park well. His huge efforts on the pitch seem only to be matched by his huge efforts in the bar after games.

Hammersmith were reduced to 14 men for ten minutes when Charlie ‘The Tanker’ Huntingdon failed to pull out of tackle after the Old V’s fly half had kicked the ball. The only surprising thing was that the referee still had his eyes on that part of the pitch and was able to make the decision as the ball was long gone and already safely in the arms of the Hammers sweeper.

The second half proved more fruitful for the away team and further tries were run (or flopped) in by Alex ‘cue ball’ Neilson, Ali ‘Little Fella’ Lines and a first league score for Metric ‘Painted Lady’ Metric. Much to the amazement of the on looking club secretary, for once the ‘Little Fella’ had the gas to make it all the way after a break, in the process showing Sly what an ‘in out’ looks like. A lack of discipline meant that the Hammers were reduced to 14 on two further occasions as ‘Admin’ took a breather for fancy footwork and Rod ‘Anger Management’ Anderson took up his usual spot behind the posts for killing the ball.

All in all it was a decent performance, running out victors 5 tries to none showing progress against the game plan from last week.

Team: Blyghton, Dray, Huntingdon, Leach, Nielson, Djikic, Anderson, Mobray, Lines, Metric, Short, Godber, O'Malley, Olutayu, Wooton. O'Sullivan, Lacey, Rudman.

Tries: Neilson, Metric, Wooton, Lines, Mobray

 

 

Saturday 23rd September 2006

First XV   22   :   12   Grasshoppers

London 4 North West

Home

Welcome to the 2006/7 League campaign.  After what seemed like a never ending pre season the serious stuff finally started on 23rd September. The build up to the first league game had gone well with the Hammers 1st squad in action for the previous four weekends. Good performances against local rivals Old Actonians and Old Paulines had put the home side in confident, if a little too relaxed, mood for the visit of Grasshoppers. The sun was shining and the pitch was in good condition. The Hammers lined up with a number of new faces from last season in key positions including Dray at Hooker, Dilley at Openside, Mobray at Eight and Metric at fly half. The Hammers policy of trying to bring in home grown talent was obviously not working too well.

The Hammers started well enjoying some decent possession and making good in roads into the Grasshoppers half. However they then kept up a 100% record for this season that they will be keen to break. Moving the ball the left from a break down Rupert ‘Phoenix’ Godber presently popped the ball into the defenders arms for an interception. 0 – 7 points down. Sean ‘Atkins’ O'Malley gathered the troops under the posts for a quick chat and the Hammers soon got into the swing of things.

The home side again enjoyed some decent possession with the ball retention looking promising. James ‘Spiller’ Leach was enjoying the freedom of the midfield for a short while until he ignored a decent overlap on his left before he was promptly invited to get back into the engine room and join Alex ‘Cue Ball’ Neilson. Captains Mate, John ‘The Bulldozer’ Mobray was really enjoying himself in the loose making good yards every time he got he hands on the ball.

The Hammers started to turn the pressure into points and scored two tries and a couple of penalties. ‘Atkins’ O'Malley had brought his kicking boots with him and was striking the ball nicely to keep the score board ticking over.

The second half was pretty tough with Grasshoppers enjoying much of the possession. When The Hammers did get the ball they seemed intent on coughing it up to the opposition. There were a couple of noteworthy parts to the second half. ‘Atkins’ O'Malley was harshly adjudged to have gone over the dead ball line after a three quarter of the length of the field move that saw the ball go through at least 10 pairs of hands. Oh what could have been. The opposition managed another try but the half time lead Hammersmith had built up was enough to see them home. We also saw the introduction of another new face as Mark ‘I need a new alarm clock’ Sweeting came on for ‘Phoenix’ Godber after Rupert had run out of presents for the opposition.

Overall it was a satisfactory start to the season showing enough to suggest with the correct application it could be another decent season for the 1st XV.

Man of the Match: Not awarded but probably would have gone to John Mobray for his direct running.

Tin Man: Not awarded but definitely would have gone to Sean O'Malley for the try that never was.

Team: Blyghton, Dray, Huntingdon, Leach, Nielson, Anderson, Dilley, Mobray, Lines, Metric, Short, Godber, O'Malley, Djikic, Rudman. Lacey, Punch, Sweeting.

Tries: O'Malley, Dilley

 

 

Saturday 16th September 2006

First XV   32   :   14   Old Actonians

Friendly

Away

Despite having played fixtures on the previous 3 weekends, there was a clear sense that the season proper had started as the Mighty Hammers turned on the style to conclude their pre-season calendar with a 6 try performance.

There was concern in the Hammers camp that the players may have been wound too tight in anticipation of the chance to renew hostilities with arch rivals Actonians – particularly when new recruit Steuart ‘Spellcheck’ MacIntyre managed to put his shoulder out retrieving his own fumble during the unopposed warm-up! But, as Spellcheck headed for the sheds in search of a dictionary of names, a hastily re-arranged team regained their composure and soon took the lead.

Early tries for Jack ‘Mum’ Short and Adam ‘Nickname Pending’ Wooton would have given the Hammers a commanding lead had either score been converted. Unfortunately, new skipper Sean ‘My Little Pony’ O’Malley was in cow’s arse/banjo form with the boot! Those misses looked like being significant as Actonians fought their way back into the match. An interception in midfield and a good series of close drives in the loose brought 2 converted tries and a 14-10 lead for the home side. As the first period went on though, strong work in the loose from Ryan ‘Air’ Dilley, and Dan ‘Grommit’ Djikic paved the way for further tries from both ‘Mum’ and ‘Pending’; Hammers finishing the half 22-14 ahead.

The second half was less of a spectacle with the Hammers trying to create from too deep in their own territory. The frustration of this and the pressure of having a certain ladies team-member watching became all too much for Ali ‘The Little Fella’ Lines. Buoyed by the fact he was facing the first opponent shorter than him since his playschool days, ‘The Little Fella’ instigated a bit of handbags……....and was mightily relieved when his forwards quickly rescued him from the inevitable shoeing!! Thankfully, however, this did seem to perk up the Hammers a little and they finished the match with good tries from ‘Grommit’ and Rod ‘Always been an 8’ Anderson.

 

 

Saturday 6th January 2007

Second XV   14   :   14   Staines III

Friendly

Away

In conditions were it seemed more likely to see the the second coming of Noah's Ark the 2nd XV were unluckily held to a draw by a determined Staines outift. Had the opposition captain not decided that 70 minutes play was enough for his boys I think we would have come away with a win. In the end we consoled ourselves with having played the much more entertaining rugby.

 

2 train journeys, a bus trip through chavtastic Feltham and then a short hike brought us to the glamorous location of Staines rugby club. The exciting news on the team sheet was that Sean after so many years dedicated service to the club named himself in a pitchside managerial role (maybe setting his stall out for the rest of his career?) meaning that Hendo stepped into the captaincy role - one he had previously filled with aplomb. Once Staines had decided which pitch was the less flooded, and Hendo had roused the troops with his Paisleyesque team talk we kicked off. Then it started to rain.

 

Sean, the Guv'nor, had decided that despite the weather we should entertain the crowd with some typical Hammers champagne rugby. In the whole we managed this. Forwards and backs combined through many facets of play with Brian Vanniman particularly at home in the quagmire - reminding him of his intercollegiate mud wrestling days. We opened the scoring with a well worked backs move sending Oney in between the posts duly converted by Dave Corbett. Unfortunately 2 defensive lapses either side of half time (with the 9, 10, 12 channel culpable on each occasion) left us trailing 14 points to seven.

 

Changing tactics somewhat we kicked long to the corner, won the resulting lineout and following some decent rucking (and perhaps a missed knock on by the ref) Ian Smith won a gut barging contest with his opposite number and scored under the posts. Again Dave converted. 14 all remained the final score and in the end it was probably a fair result.

Motm would more than likely have gone to Smithy for driving from Dorset to get a game and then getting on the score sheet. Vanniman was the obvious candidate for tin man - taking a quick penalty he ran elbow first at the defence stopping soon afterwards to apologise for doing so and was duly penalised.

 

Team: Greg (Aussie no 1), Drew (Aussie no 2), Smithy, Nisbett, Stoney (Aussie no 3), Barry (Irish no 1), Garrett (Kiwi no1), Brian (Yankee Doodle Dandy no 1), Al (Aussie no 4), Hendo (Irish no 2), Skinny (Scottish no 1), Rupert, Wesso (Aussie no 5), Oney, Davo (Aussie no 6) and Sean (kitman) on the bench. Thought I'd add in nationality to demonstrate the club's well thought out preference for non- Englishmen!

 

 

Saturday 4th November 2006

Second XV   26   :   0   Bank of England

Middlesex Merit Table 1

Away

 

After a disappointing result against the Welsh, the fighting 2’s got their Merit Table challenge back on track with a comfortable win over Bank of England, further cementing their spot as the highest placed 2’s side in the competition.

 

Despite the perfect weather and pitch conditions, things did not look good for the visitors as kick-off approached. Stand-in skipper Sean ‘OAP’ Richardson showed none of the leadership poise of last season as he fretted over the late arrivals of John ‘Walkabout’ Durrant and Ed ‘Sun-in’ Nesbitt. Indeed the skipper’s mental equilibrium was so affected that, despite nick of time appearances from both latecomers, Richardson could be heard muttering about the difficulties of ‘playing against the slope’ (on a billiard table of a surface) well into the second half!

 

Once the whistle blew, though, everything came right. Having withstood an onslaught from the Bank in the opening 5 minutes, the Hammers’ greater mobility began to tell. Good work around the park in both attack and defence from Barry ‘Mad Dog’ Mangan and Dylan ‘Speed-drinker’ Rudd allowed the backs into the game, and although opportunities were spurned by Mark ‘Bosseye’ Rudman (teflon handling) and Roddy ‘Pace’ James (white-line fever), the pressure was rewarded when Rob ‘Tina’ Turner went over in the corner.

 

The 5-0 scoreline was quickly improved upon. A flowing move from left to right was finished off by Garrick Bridges crashing over and then ‘Tina’ retrieving his own Garryowen to wriggle over for his second try. The first half should have been closed out with a hat-trick for ‘Tina’. Unfortunately he guaranteed himself a pint for jug-avoidance by knocking on over the line!

 

The second half was less impressive. The Hammers’ expansive game-plan was inhibited by the mental challenge of playing against the slope (see above!) and into the setting sun (or was it Ed’s barnet?). The only free-flowing move that was managed came a cropper when Mark ‘1 week injury free and counting’ Powell decided to pass straight into touch rather than to either of the unmarked men outside him. In the circumstances, the visitors relied upon the trusty boot of ‘Bosseye’ to add another three penalties. Considerable satisfaction can be taken, though, from the fact that a clean sheet was maintained by some committed defence.

 

 

Saturday 28th October 2006

Second XV   32   :   12   High Wycombe II

Friendly

Away

Not content with conquering all within the M25 the 2s travelled outside London's infamous ring road for a fixture in heart of Bucks versus High Wycombe. Unexplored and dark territory indeed.

Sly took over the captaincy for the day and his over keeness meant we arrived 2 hours before kick off (first mistake of the day). Fortunately we found an open side door to the changing rooms and avoided a charge of breaking and entering. Handing out the shirts was going well until number three was handed to Alexis, the Frenchman - "Sacre blu" he muttered - "Je suis toujours talonneur" - luckily Sly's selectorial error (number two of the day) was rectified by an Ian Smith prop masterclass and Alexis duly took his place in the front row.

Following what seemed like an eternal warm up we kicked off not knowing what to expect from the opposition. We quickly discovered that Sly's opposite number was very slow as he rounded him with ease to score in the corner following some slick handling in the middle of the park. Hendo, returning to the side he so masterfully captained several seasons ago, missed the conversion, which was a prelude of things to come. Only one of six attempts was converted - dreams of that Ireland call up dashed in the process.

An unfortunate incident followed the first try - a broken leg for a one High Wycombe props (we wish him well). Unfortunate for him but Punchy was visibly ecstatic to see an air ambulance arrive. Even noting down the helicopter's details in his Helicopter Spotter's Handbook. Christmas had come early for our openside flanker. Undeterred by the broken leg - we upped the post protectors and moved to the pitch next door. The rest of the first half can mainly be described as one way traffic. Four more tries ensued and we finished 27 to nil up at half time. Rupert crashed over close to the posts, Adam cantered in at the corner, Alexis "Allez les bleus" carried over from a ruck and someone else (can't remember who) also scored.

Sly's third mistake came from his team talk. Instead of inspiring of us to kill the game off we started out like how the England team will no doubt commence against New Zealand on Sunday and conceded a couple of early tries. The least said about the second half the better - we were rubbish. We did however record one positive when Sly stormed in for his second try (jug avoidance his final mistake of the day). Final score was 32 - 12.

Highlights of the day included Dylan's tackle on the opposition's scrum half - sadly this resulted in MoTM for Dylan - and a new record for the slowest pint in history was his. Paul "Scottish" Murphy got Tin Man for the worst pass on a rugby field in 2006 though it was close call with Brian, who conveniently went off injured upon noticing that the opposition physio was quite a hotty. Never one to miss trying his luck with the ladies - for readers' information he crashed and burned.

Congrats to Sly on a 100% success rate as captain.

Team: Ian "Prop idol" Smith, Pat "That throw was definitely straight ref" Wilson, Alexis, Al Hamilton, Dylan "I will sip my snakebite thank you very much" Rudd, Barry Mangan, Brian "Just rub here please" Vanniman, Matt "The fascinating thing about the Apache Gunship is................." Punch, Nick, Hendo, Sly, Rupert "I don't mind if my opposite number runs straight past for me a try" Godber, Cameron, Adam "Yes I need the gloves - they help me catch" and Dave Corbett. Scottish and Paul Davies ably supporting from the becnh.

 

 

Saturday 2nd December 2006

Third XV   35   :   29   London Scottish

Middlesex Merit Table - Division 2

Away

 

Although the 2000 spectators and lone bagpiper for the London One clash between Richmond and London Scottish on the main pitch might disagree, the real rugby fan would have appreciated that the day's big event was tucked away on pitch 7, as the mighty Hammers visited London Scottish Extra B's.  It was one against two for midway bragging rights in the Merit Table.

 

A cracking game of rugby finished with us winning by 35 points to 29. However it took a moment of pure comedy genius from the Scottish replacement winger to secure victory.  Taking the odd option of running back from inside his 22 to the in goal area, the attempted clearing kick went 5 yards up in the air.  Chris, our ever alert number seven pounced on the loose ball, secured the try and the win. Needless to say Scottish were none too chuffed by the debacle.  Ain't life tough?

 

It would be unfair on all the players to try and describe such an enthralling match in anything less than the length of my dissertation so many years ago at university.  Given that did not get me the first I was hoping for I will stick to the game's highlights.

 

Within 10 minutes of the kick-off we found ourselves in the unusual position of trailing by 10 points.  2 soft tries were gifted to the opposition as we failed to lay a hand on their speedy winger - Ely in one instance even pointing the way to the line for him, as if not tackling him had not made his run in any easier.  This did not however give the team the proverbial kick up the backside we needed. Some great kicking from Hendo, caressing the ball like Nelson was hoping to do with the ladies later in the evening at the Pimps and Prostititutes party pinned Scottish in their 22 for the rest of the first half. We racked up 24 unanswered points with both backs and forwards dominating. Twice Ian Smith was held up over the line - no mean feat I'm sure you'll agree and I pity whoever was beneath him but soon the pressure told as Ely, and shortly after Rob Turner crashed over close to the posts.  The try scoring was completed by the debutant Aussie prop (lets call him Bruce) on a rampaging run.  Unlike Aussie props of recent time Bruce appears to be a very handy addition to the club. An Ely penalty saw us finish the first half up by 24 points to ten.

 

The see-saw nature of the scoring continued after the break as we gifted more early Christmas presents to the opposition.  Again Webby and Ely were found lacking gas as the Scottish number 11 finished off his hattrick.  Worse followed as a wayward line out throw allowed their number seven an unopposed tumble over the line for a try and the nadir deepened as a line break by their fly half resulted in yet another score against us.  Suddenly we were 29 to 28 down.  Could Tony awake the troops from the depths of a possible defeat?  Obviously the answer was yes. If you thought no you must be pretty dum bgiven the score is the headline.

 

So the unbeaten run continues. Don't think a MoTM or tin man were awarded. But good all round efforts from everyone on the park and we said goodbye to Ely (the Ivy Leage wannabe from Penn State) at this point who leaves these shores to continue his education back home in the U S of A. So its bye bye American Ely....................

 

Merry Christmas one and all.

 

 

Saturday 11th November 2006

Third XV   37   :   0   Old Actonians

Middlesex Merit Table - Division 2

Home

 

Defeat for the high flying 3s against Old Actonians, currently propping up bottom the Merit Table, would surely have been unthinkable at a windy Hurlingham on Sat. But then so would have an Argentina victory over England wouldn't it? Fortunately unlike Andy Robinson's bunch of mishaps, Tony Richard's fury filled teamtalk (primarily based on poor punctuality) impassioned his troops to a convincing 47 - 0 win over our Acton based rivals.

 

Perhaps the only disappointment of the afternoon was not reaching a 50 point margin of victory but that is just clutching at straws. In his last game for the club, Brian notched up a hat-trick of tries - though nearly coughed up a a lung following one 50 metre burst for the line. Tony (still aggrieved by his charges' time keeping) crashed over for a brace of tries. Chris Morton went over for one (courstesy of Hendo's sublime pass) as did the flying North American, Ely. Not content with 5 points to his name, Ely contributed a near faultless display of goal kicking, converting 6 out of 7 attempts. 47 - 0 job done.

 

The paying public of Twickenham would no doubt have much preferred an outing to SW6 such was the attacking prowess of the 3rd XV backline. Partly aided by only 3 Englishmen in the backs, a fine display of running rugby was put on show. Bear (not sure about origin of the nickname but very apt) sniped all game at scrum half and supplied Hendo, without doubt now the foremost non-try scoring, non-goal kicking flyhalf in the Merit Table with great service. Like his protege O'Gara, at Lansdowne Road would later do versus SA, Hendo controlled the tempo of the game with aplomb. Centres Gareth and Brain punched holes and tackled hard all afternoon - Brian has definitely found his level in the 3s this season - we will miss his try scoring and wish him well in the Land of the Long White Cloud. Webby and Ely were pace and guile personified out wide and Adam at fullback, well was Adam (once he stopped worrying about the missing Kiwis prior to kick off).

 

The pack's performance should not be left without recognition either. The front row caused such havoc that Old A's had to resort to uncontested scrums early on. Tony then used this reason to rest Steve Belfieldfor the second half, claiming his scrummaging was now superfluous to the team's requirements. Taking this as an afront to his all round abilities, Steve tried to finish the Wheatsheaf's supply of red wine.Tony then substituted himself, only to be later spotted running amok for the 2s on the pitch next door. Betraying the gentlemanly nature of a 3rd XV player he got himself sinbinned for failing to retreat at this point. Tin man was thus in the bag for Tony, until Nelson asked for quick ball from a tap penalty and slotted a drop goal well wide of the posts. Zak, Hairy and Scottish dominated the lineouts and new boy Chris and Rob in the backrow more than made for Nelson's attempts at glory with the hard yards. Later both Webby and Adam were both drafted into the pack - it be would unfair to say that at this point the backline really started to fire..............but who said life was fair.

 

Although we have now played 7 won 7 in the league the season's defining moment, an away fixture to the haggis munchers of London Scottish is next up. Unlike with William Wallace at the helm, this time we must "take their freedom". Bring it on.

 

 

Saturday 21st October 2006

Third XV   54   :   0   Hampstead II

Middlesex Merit Table - Division 2

Away

 

The 1st XV might be inspired to beating allcomers based on the promise of Sean O'Malley losing his Rapunzelesque golden locks but the 3rd XV required no such motivation on Saturday as they demolished Hampstead's second string by 54 points to nil. Five wins out of five sees the 3s top of the Merit Table. Sadly promotion appears out of the question given the 2s are in the league above with no where to go. So winning the league will only bring the team pride and a real sense of achievement for Tony who celebrated his 50th birthday in some style after the game.

 

Adam (solid as a rock unless the ball is kicked very high by the opposition) opened the scoring after some slick handling by the backs and from then on it was one way traffic. Given the volume of tries scored it is no surprise that I don't fully recall who scored them all but some were as follows. Wally (part of the Kiwi mafia trying to rename the 3rds Hammersmith & Fulham New Zealand) scored out wide - where else should a hooker take a try scoring pass. Marcellis grabbed a brace of tries and caused no end of mental scarring to the opposition's 10 and 12 by constantly running through them. Ely grabbed one for himself and actually managed to convert one or two of the team's touchdowns but surely at this level a conversion rate of approx 10% just isn't good enough!

 

Jonny Kirkham belied the heritage of his Welsh scrum half forefathers by messing up a four on one overlap with a wild pass into touch. Gareth Edwards he is not. Just as David Humpheys orchestrated proceedings at Ravenhill as Ulster toppled the mighty Toulouse, Hendo did a similar job at Hurlingham Park with centres Chris Morton and Rob Turner enjoying the space created for them by the Hammers' own talismanic Ulsterman. Out wide Ely (10%) and James (or John depending on the skipper's memory) Harvey ran good lines all day with Adam Jones in able support.

 

The pack outmuscled their counterparts all afternoon dominating both scrums and lineouts. Ian (the better performing Welsh player) made his 3s debut at prop and looked assured as part of the front row union alongside Wally and Tony (Grandad) Richards. The engine room of Al (he's big..........he's gay...............he's big Gay Al) Philips and Paul (not very original nickname Hairy) Hare were colossal except for a number of spilled balls. The back row of Rob, Nelson and the already lauded Marcellis made plenty of tackles and pilfered ball at will.

Matt Webb when he came of bench, did what Matt Webb can only do. Enough said. Ginger brought his usual gusto to proceedings and yet another Kiwi, Rich, playing for the first time in years picked up a debut try.

Pretty impressive stuff all in all.

 

 

Saturday 14th October 2006

Third XV   20   :   10   Rosslyn Park VI

Middlesex Merit Table - Division 2

Away

The mighty 3s continued on route to league domination with our fourth victory out of four versus Rosslyn Park in the picturesque setting of Richmond Park.

The final scoreline of 20 points to 10 flattered the opposition somewhat as we gifted them a couple of soft tries, Matt Webb especially culpable for a missed tackle on their winger in one instance.

The Hammers' first score came courtesy of a barging run from the Kiwi battering ram, Brian. Ely (unexplicably given the kicking duties ahead of Hendo's trusted right boot) missed the relatively simple conversion but later redeemed himself with a finely judged penalty. Not quite sure who scored the second try such was the intensity and excitement of the match. Ely's conversion made it 15 to nil and a rout looked on the cards. However at this point we decided it would be unfair to steamroller Rosslyn park and we let them back into the game. 2 soft tries and it was 15 to 10 with 1o minutes to go.

Some harsh words from Tony Richards (some of our new fresh faced recently graduated types were surprised people of his age still played the game) were followed by a period of sustained attacking pressure by the visitors. A deft move down the backline saw the youngster Morton in at the corner. The conversion was missed but the ref's whislte blew and it was game over.

Overall probably not the prettiest rugby the 3s have played this year but it was effective and we will always be happy with a win over Rosslyn Park.

 

 

Saturday 28th October 2006

Fourth XV   19   :   10   Old Paulines V

Friendly

Away

Having taken a rather less organized side to Old Paulines for the first match of the season and been well beaten, this fixture offered the Mighty Fours a sparkling opportunity for a spot of revenge.  The inevitable last-minute chopping and changing still left the Hammers with a strong side and, what with everyone turning up to Hurlingham on time, a veritable feast of champagne rugby was clearly on the cards.                                                                            

The Fours being the Fours, however, they always feel they have to give the opposition a sporting chance in any game by gifting them an easy try in the first few minutes.  Clearly this game was to be no exception, and a drifting defence allowed Old Paulines an overlap which they capitalized upon for a try in the corner after barely ten minutes of play.  The Hammers responded well, however, and the remainder of the half saw a solid performance from the team as a whole, Eli “Wilkinson” Perlman-Storch and Ryan “Terminator” Dilley making a particular mark, whilst the forwards rose well to the task in both the line-outs and the scrums.  The Hammers saw lots of possession and came up with some spirited defending but, despite going close on a couple of occasions, were unable to get the ball over the line.  The half-time whistle blew with the team in confident mood.

Some fresh legs on at half-time, plus the customary speech by Stephen “Mr Motivator” Belfield, and the team went back out looking for blood.  Sustained pressure was finally rewarded when an impressive driving maul brought us near enough for “Wilkinson” to crash under the posts for a well-earned try which he neatly converted.    “Wilkinson” soon went over for his second try and, although the conversion was narrowly missed, the Hammers were now deservedly in the driving seat.  Play was of a high standard all round, Kevin “Brother of Borat” O’Malley and Alex “Let Me at ‘Em” Hesz combining well in the centre and Dan “Dan The Number Nine” producing some Dawson-esque runs.  Tom “Catch Me if You Can” Hamnett and Ali “I Can Play Anywhere” Kealty were also playing very strongly, and in the forwards Henry Whittaker and “Terminator” were constant threats in open play whilst Locks Ben “Hulk” Gatewood and Adam “Stoney” Stone made sure in the rucks and scrums.  James “Homicidal” Wiseman contributed the usual bone-shattering tackles on people twice his own size as well as excellent line-out throwing.

The referee was clamping down on Old Paulines’ dubious approach to the rules regarding coming in from the sides of rucks and that, coupled with the Hammers’ continuing superiority in open play, led to them becoming rattled.  Cue yet another try from “Wilkinson”, who clearly wasn’t going to get Tin Man for jug avoidance, which he duly converted.

In the last five minutes the Hammers started to look a little tired and this, coupled with a late rally from Old Paulines and the conceding of a rapid succession of silly penalties, allowed the visitors over for a consolation late try but the result had never really been in doubt once the Hammers had got their second.  A fine performance all round, satisfying revenge for the start-of-season defeat, and hopefully the beginning of an improvement in the Fours’ Merit Table fortunes.  Well done all.

MOTM: Ryan “Terminator” Dilley, though the pint went to the impressive Pat “Sin Bin” Hanlon for some fine crash-ball work and excellent management of the scrum, and for managing to stay on the field for the full 80 minutes.  Tin Man went to Eli “Wilkinson” Perlman-Storch for not letting anyone else score any points all afternoon.

Team: Kealty, Parker, Shaikh, Hesz, Hamnett; Perlman-Storch, Dan; Belfield ©, Wiseman, Hanlon, Stone, Gatewood, Lowry, Dilley, Whittaker H.  Subs: Truong, O’Malley K, Cruickshank

 
 

Saturday 14th October 2006

Fifth XV   28   :   24   Twickenham Vets

Friendly

Away

First game of the season and no idea what to expect from a very 'scratchy' team - save that the selected backs had looked sharp in training. But up against a Vets team, who were not only experienced by age but had clearly played together for many a year. In addition, boy, were they big!

So we expected up-your-jumper rugby, grinding a H'smith pack, probably giving away 4/5stone a man, into the ground. And we got that - but only after 20 mins. For the first 20 somewhat bizarrely they thought they could out pass and outrun us.

At the end of that period, following  good tackling, wild opposition passes and very rapid H'smith counter-attack, we had scored four tries, all expertly converted by new 10 Mark Wright. 28-0.

Then came the change. The 'rumble' began. Despite some mighty defensive work two tries were conceded before half-time. 28-14.

The second half brought more of the same. But Twickenham could only get over twice and missed both conversions. Although we rarely threatened in the 2nd half, we did set up a 4 v 2 in the last five minutes. We must score. But just as in the Thursday training session when it took at least a half-dozen attempts to convert the same, this one failed miserably!

Anyway, an outstanding team effort initially in attack and then in defence had squeaked a win. Dispatches to the no 9, Tom Leahy, and the flanker, Dan Cruickshank. A sort of dispatch to Morts: played his first full game for a very long time - and did so with his usual gusto - but at one point seemed to determine to shorten it by indulging in in deep and meaningful discussions with the opposition and referee, ignoring all attempts to calm him. Fortunately, the ref was the forgiving sort and thought that he 'needed' the game!