On World Cup Final day the Hammers were dealt a poor hand with a trip to league leaders Stevenage, the furthest away fixture of the season. To all round surprise the Hammers arrived as planned a good hour before kick-off and in dry and pleasant weather (surely a rarity this far north!). This despite long-serving prop and ex-skipper Mark “Nosejob” Blyghton taking the scenic route via Datchworth no doubt due to the navigational skills of  Barry “Wine” O’Sullivan who just three weeks previous sent Anger Management to Stevenage when aiming, of course, for Datchworth!

The warm-up was quiet as the importance of the game was reiterated by the Little Fella and the Hammers players prepared for the first of the day’s big games. The referee’s concentrated attention towards Tom “Barndoor” Clarke’s boots was perhaps an early warning of where he would be focusing during the game. The early skirmishes with the Hammers playing down the hill went pretty well with James “Conductor” Weeks making sure the game was being played in the right areas of the pitch. Before long Scott “Suicidal” Foley had kicked Hammersmith into a 6-0 lead which was obviously not what the Home team were used to and, with 15 minutes on the clock, the Hammers first substitute was called on when Nosejob emerged from a breaking scrum needing one.

The Hammers scrum despite mighty efforts from Luke “Dancing Feet, Flailing Arms” Goggin was never comfortable after Nosejob’s demise and Stevenage slowly forced their way back into the game. A well-worked, a la Wasps Heineken Cup, line-out drill saw them score the first of their four unconverted tries and by half-time they had doubled their scoreline making it 10-6.

At halftime the Hammers were reminded that they were still very much in the game despite the one-way traffic of the previous 15 minutes and Anger Management implored the forwards to get more, well, angry! The Hammers responded splendidly, John “Chabal’s a Big Girl” Mowbray, toiling like an English forward, Brett ”Neighbours” Stuart, Henry “Gnarly Dude” Paddison and Hamster hitting everything in the middle of the park and Tom “Boyband” Hamnett striving to break away down the wing. Unfortunately a try against this tide took Stevenage into what would prove to be a winning lead with about 20 minutes still to go. Another penalty by Suicidal raised the Hammers spirits but these were extinguished by a quick response from Stevenage and the final 15 minutes saw the Hammers, as England were later to repeat, bravely but hopelessly throwing everything at the Home defence without reward.

Still time though for the Little Fella to distinguish himself. Fed up with the close attentions of the Stevenage backrow and frankly, parted too long from, as regular readers will remember, his beloved Fraulein Anja, he offered the referee the chance to brandish the red card by trying to step-out of an offside tackle to run a penalty for said offence. The red was out as quick as a flash and Barndoor, Little Fella and the rest of us were left to reflect on how much of the world (game) we might miss if we stared all day at the ground!

In fairness Stevenage were worthy winners on the day, with clinical three quarter play to complement the robust forward effort, and the Hammers were shown what it takes to survive at the top of this league.

Man-of-the-match – Chabal

Tin-Man – Little Fella

Team: Foley (Wotton 60), Hamnett, Sweeting, Stuart, Djikic, Weeks, Lines, Mowbray, Paddison, Anderson (Hetherington 55), O’Sullivan, Leach, Blyghton (Goggin 15), Clarke, Hird

The Scribe